I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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