And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
