I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
