Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
