He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
