I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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