What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
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