sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
