thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
