she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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