If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize