Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just want nice things and good sex
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
