I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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