I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
