He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
