So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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