u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
