I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
