I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
