omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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