Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
