friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
