Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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