i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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