After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
