haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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