dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
