OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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