I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
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