There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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