What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
