all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
