you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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