It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
