yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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