Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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