oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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