I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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