final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Who died my cat blue again?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
