i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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