I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
