I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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