fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
