Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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