My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
