She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you win again, gameday.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize