I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
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He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
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i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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