So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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