angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
