i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
