I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
