oh god the rape fog is back!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
