8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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