Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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