Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
