sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize