I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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