Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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