I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The uberlube is also flammable
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
And then he peed in my hair
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