I am puke
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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