I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
