I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
