My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
