Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
