My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
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Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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