if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
