Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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