I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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