I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
