I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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