I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
