you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
