Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize