It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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