woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
