i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
