happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize