Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so explain again why im purple
no
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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