So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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