My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize