Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
