While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
