He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I intend to get homeless drunk
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
