maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
