I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
