Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
