Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
