One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
