Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
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