You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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