So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's blow job season.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
